“None of your business!” she retorted but Sarah joined in with what was to become a ridicule at Ellies expense. “No she hasn’t, have you Ellie...” “You’d love it!” She added taking another sip. “Neil will finger you.” Simon said looking and nodding encouragingly in Neils direction. “Oh for gods sake!” Ellie said now, but she never said no, she would guess if she had to reason, that the alcohol had made her feel a little braver than usual. “Have another sip” Sarah said offloading the bottle to. There was no pain. No exhaustion. Just unending numbness. One foot went in front of another, eyes half focused on the backs of the strangers before her. Where were they? How long had it been since the last rest? She couldn't say. Neither did she care.Left.Right."Camp! Camp!"The cry came from somewhere up ahead. Instinctively, the stream of refugees pressed to the left, up against the moving wagons. Kasia saw the uniformed rider coming down the road. Liuz's arm snaked around her waist, pulling. ’ Betty downed the whisky in one.Mum stiffened when Betty walked towards the sideboard, but instead of picking up the whisky bottle, she poured a glass of tonic water.I felt slightly relieved as I didn’t want them falling out, not today of all days.‘Thank you Mary, I don’t think I could have got through today without you.’ Then added, ‘and of course my favourite nephew David.Even at sixteen I still blushed.When mum was certain that Betty wouldn’t start drinking, she said, ‘perhaps it’s time. I wanted the browbeating to stop. I figured my job was cooked anyway.“They pestered me about whether I thought I was WORTHY of being loved. I realized I wasn’t worthy so long as I kept thinking of women as something to conquer, fuck, and dispose of. That was like the greatest epiphany I’d ever had in my life. I was sobbing at that point. I really did want to be loved. I want to be a lover, too. I confessed all that to them.“They kept getting in my face. I realized this was like a miniature boot.
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